So I have pretty much dropped the ball on my return to BJJ and on writing this blog. I feel I have no time for anything anymore, sometimes I am surprised I even have time to sleep.
Then I look around and realize what I am really spending my time/money on and I am disappointed. Truth is, I could have already been back in the gym. I could have paid off all my back dues and went back. But I squandered money on things I don’t even really need, and didn’t push myself at all to get back. I know I love jiu jitsu I think about it all the time, I constantly watch instructionals or matches on youtube. I’ve spent hours just thinking about it, and yet I cannot seem to get there.
I feel my blue belt has probably faded to a white, I would not be ashamed to wear a white belt, as I feel I have not kept up with my ranking and probably deserve to be a beginner again.
I’ve gotta get myself together, pay what I owe, and get back in there. I have to prove to myself that I am not as lazy and undedicated as I think I am, especially when it is something I love to do so much.